When I was little, I was not the most popular little girl in the classroom. I went to three different elementary schools and I had my fair share of problems growing up-everyone does. Kids are cruel, right? However, not only did I have a stutter and couldn’t produce the “r” sound, but I was also overweight. It was just baby fat but that didn’t keep the other kids from saying things. It didn’t keep my mom from saying things either. Just the phrase “chubby” can go from cute to humiliating in 2 seconds flat. So I became determined to be thin. The speech problems could be fixed, so why not my weight?
However, I’ve learned throughout the years as I’ve been on this journey of becoming a “skinny” girl that it doesn’t matter what size you are, those cruel kids turn into cruel teenagers who then turn into cruel adults. There will always be an imperfection for something to criticize and I have learned that that imperfection can be something like being TOO thin. I am 5’2″ and 110 pounds and should be happy with my body. I should be able to celebrate the time I spent at the gym and the desserts I skipped out on but, for some reason, I am still not good enough for everyone.
I shouldn’t care about what people think though, right? That’s a load of bull to me. It doesn’t matter how comfortable with you body you are, every now and then, even the strongest person might have a few words slip through and scrape their self-esteem. There are a few key comments people have made that make me self-conscious about my own body despite that fact that I should be proud of it. People comment about the lack of food I eat or when I do eat a full plate, they comment about how they cannot believe that I ate it all. I’m sorry but I eat when I am hungry and the feeling of bursting from too much food is not pleasant to me. I enjoy food-it is a very wonderful thing. I savor my bites. However, when people start commenting on the amount of food I eat either too much or too little, it ruins the experience. It turns enjoying a meal with my friends into what feels like a judgment zone.
The other day, I was shopping with my two of my friends who both happen to be bigger than me. One commented when I tried on a pair of size 5 pants, “Congratulations! You’re moving up in the world!” I didn’t realize that my usual size 3 jeans made me any less of a person. Another friend became irritated with me when I said I wished I was taller because she didn’t believe I had any reason to complain about my body after she had spent the day making comments about how she wish she looked different.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I have many reasons to love my body and be grateful for it. My point is that it doesn’t matter what size someone is, words hurt. There are so many people who are uncomfortable with themselves despite what they look like. Someone could be incredibly thin but still only see how much they wished they had more muscle to shape them. Self-esteem and confidence are lacking in most women and that is mostly due to other women. Stop judging each other and more importantly, stop judging yourself. I know I have plenty of work to do on my part- I have said my own fair share of words to my friends. It doesn’t make me any better and it probably makes me for the worse. There’s a reason people love us and that is what truly makes us beautiful.